By Marlvin Ngiza
The Padare/Enkuhleni Men’s Forum has called upon women not to use intimate deprivation as a tool to punish men citing that such acts cause some severe problems within marriages.
This comes after a rise in the number of men who are being deprived of precious time by their wives. According to statistics provided by Padare/Enkuhleni Men’s Forum on gender, in every two men, one is being deprived of precious time.
Padare/Enkuhleni Men’s Forum on Gender Programs Officer Meseli Nyoni said intimate deprivation leads to problems such as small houses and contraction of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) as men will look for alternatives to relieve their sexual desire.
“The bedroom is not for dialogues but a room to rest. Issues that were not solved before bedroom time should be suspended so as to make love. Don’t use intimate deprivation as a tool to solve issues. Rather, it worsens the situation.
“Men will look for other alternatives of relieving the sexual desire like paying commercial sex workers and risk ending up contracting STIs and then infecting the innocent wife. Intimate deprivation also causes violence in the family. A hungry man is an angry man,” said Nyoni.
Nyoni further challenged women to seek legal solutions in times of marital discord and encouraged women not to solve problems by creating other problems. They were given the advice to seek legal solutions like dialogue and counselling in times of marital discord.
Meanwhile, men have been encouraged to be bold enough to expose all forms of ill-treatment by women.
Nyoni said men should not die silently in the name of being a man as the society suggests that “kufa kwemurume kubuda ura”.
Societal setups and lack of knowledge are affecting a lot of men hence causing severe social ills.
“The lack of knowledge on where to report, what to do or what is abuse is affecting a lot of men.Patriachy and cultural beliefs that “kufa kwemurume hubuda ura murume haachemi” is the problem. This brings about effects such as stress, suicide, anger towards everyone, marital discord due to unsolved issues, economic challenges due to not planning together and physical abuse.
“There is a need for more awareness campaigns on the issue of men abuse. Men should also accept that some social norms are harmful to them and learn to share,” Nyoni said.
Pa dare/Enkuhleni has already established chapters and male advocates that are mandated to mobilize other men and boys out there to be men of quality who are not afraid of equality and to live in a just gender society. Padare also works with available local support systems such as engaging elders in dealing with marital issues.