Marriage is one such phenomena you and I can find across all the cultural, socioeconomic and political divide.Against this background it is an abnormality that this very important aspect of life is not formally learnt leading to ignorance of it which acts as fanning board for the transpiration of divorce. In this column I will facilitate an osmosis of ideas pertaining to marriage.
Without knowledge and wisdom leading a life long marriage is as impossible and as unrealistic as it is to impregnate a man .
One of the most imperative aspects of a great marriage is responsibility, mutual responsibility . Marriage is one billion percent dissimilar to a one man band . Marriage can be likened to team games like soccer, basketball, rugby,cricket and many others. The success of a marriage is contingent upon the commitment and contributions of both parties.
Marriage players must take it up to them that marriage success lies in their hands, thus couples must take personal mutual responsibility to make the union last, until the ruthless creature called death maps the demarcation wall between them in the corridor of time and space.
The etymological construct of the term ‘responsibility’ is characterised with two words: response and ability. Thus in essence, responsibility is the ability to come afore and take up the role , mandate and obligations expected of one in a given situation.
Marriage is an institution run without a constitution . There are no parameters set for how you two must do what, when and how. There comes the challenge of conflict due to diversity of ideas. At one point or the other perspectives between spouses differ, that is as certain as it is that all of us were born of a woman. On this premise comes the need for compromise for the good of the union. One has to give in to the other’s ideas and the need for conducting self not like a monopoly of ideas can never be under estimated if a marriage is to work. The first assignment to be completed by spouses for life is compromise that is one of the primary and prime responsibility to be assumed by the husband and wife.
Also, the husband must be so vigilant in assuming the role of a bread winner, unlike in dating where restaurant bills and the like has to be settled, in marriage the challenge beefs up and the husband must fasten his fatherhood seat belts and propel the wheels of provision unto the family. Bills aren’t paid by your title in the house and neither do kids eat sexual intercourse between the parents.The modern lifestyle many a times requires that the mother works hand in glove with the father in providing the needs of the family much to the proper family functionality. The first family in history was situated in the garden and the garden is not associated with slumber or complacence but hard work and toiling .
The biblical Adam had to prune, dig and cultivate so that life moves on smoothly for his family . The most nagging question which must be always tattooed in the back of spouses is simply that : Is what I am doing beneficial to my spouse and kid(s) in any way ? You must live in harmony with your mandate in marriage and all you do anytime anywhere must contribute to the progress and ultimate well being of your family and marriage . Let me sound rude with your blessing, when you said ‘I do’ it was not only rhetoric but a verbal pledge to assume responsibility.
You are responsible for good health , provision , happiness and even the torrid time your marriage and family can undergo. People who enjoy marriages are those who take the responsibility of living in integrity to their vow and core values. You have the mammoth task to become or remain faithful to your spouse regardless of his or her flaws. Remember to err is human . People are different and no one is purely golden in behaviour,personality and character traits. Take the responsibility to love , appreciate and cherish your spouse in spite of your individual differences.
The real value of everything in life lies in its uniqueness. Ice creams are bought for their sweet taste while beef is sought after for its stewy salty and delicious taste. Sugar is bought for its sweetness while salt is considered of chief importance even though it offers nothing save its sour taste and food preserving prowess. Your spouse is different from your workmate , friend and any other person you may think of and its normal. You should accept and blend well with and even celebrate your spouse’s uniqueness. Be diligent to overcome lust. To avoid sexual promiscuity understand that the world is full of people who always seem , look and have better than your spouse and they aren’t yours. Your have no business craving for them , satisfaction is the genesis of responsibility.
Marriage hinges on sex to some significant extend; that is what separates your spouse from your brother or sister . You should never be too busy or tired to get intimate with your spouse. That is detrimental. Sexual pleasure must be uphold by both parties at all costs and not even material substance can substitute quality sex. Sex is done in minutes but it has a great bearing to the wellness of a marriage. Spouses must come out on the clean on matters to do with sexual pleasure and a mitigation point has to be joyfully reached. All variables and dynamics that facilitate sexual intimacy has to be looked into with due diligence; these are things like smartness and dressing as well as friendly sex schedules and intervals.
Last but by no means the least, if you want to kill crops in your garden stop watering them and if you want to destroy your marriages stop or minimise your communication. Communication characterises the backbone of every relationship, marriage included. If there’s is one person you must communicate with frequently it is your spouse. Communicate in more ways than one . Prolific communication cultivates the field of marriage. Be so creative in your communication and be objective about your subjectivity concerning that which you intend to communicate. Be an extraordinary listener to promote your emotional togetherness . Listen not to merely respond but to understand the grind and grip of the matter and when you speak be gracious – soft on the person and hard on the issue. Control your temperament when discussing sensitive issues, be very composed in your discourse.
If both parties in the confederation of marriage take heed of the advise I have enunciated in the accompanying article, I perceive that marriage will be sweeter than honey. Till we meet again on this forum be the most responsible spouse you know.
Elton Gomori is an academic, author, motivational speaker, master of ceremonies, leadership expert and marriage scientist. He writes in his personal capacity and he can be contacted on [email protected] or 0736 404 911.